first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
