I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
