How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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