i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
