fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
