Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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