They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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