You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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