Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
