Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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