So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
