He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
