I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
