Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He passed out mid-signature
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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