People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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