Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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