New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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