Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
