i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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