Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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