he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
