I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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