He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
