Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
