It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think i have two assholes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
