Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
