As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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