It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
