a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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