but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
