Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
