New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
