After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
