is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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