i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
