I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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