One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
