fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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