ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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