Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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