I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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