8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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