Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
