I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
