lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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