I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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