I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
