He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
