What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
