so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
