why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
