She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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