I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
