I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
