the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
