just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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