I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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