Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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