she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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