I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
