Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
